'You Broke My Heart' - Alexandra Burke
You know that I would follow you
To the end of the Earth
And maybe I was kinda bold
You shouldn’t know my words
I was waiting for the time to remind you
You were in love
What I gave was so incredible
But it was never enough
You took my love
And broke my heart
You took my smile
And tore it apart
You left me crying
Down on the floor
The funny thing is
I still want more
If only you love me like I wanted you to
But you trick me into loving you
You tore me apart
You broke my heart
You charm me with your little ways
You knew the buttons of praise
And you said I was your everything
But boy you couldn’t care less
And you said we’d be together forever
Now look what you’ve done
What I gave was so incredible
But it was never enough
You took my love
And broke my heart
You took my smile
And tore it apart
You left me crying
Down on the floor
The funny thing is
I still want more
If only you love me like I wanted you to
But you trick me into loving you
You tore me apart
You broke my heart
All that I needed
was someone to hold me
And all that I wanted
was someone to show me
just what it is to be loved
And I hoped that someone was you
I heard this song for the first time yesterday. I can relate.
‘Coming out’ Anniversary!!!
My house mates decided to throw me a party to mark a year since telling the first person I was gay. It was brilliant! Balloons, cake, party poppers, party food xD They are so thoughtful :)
I can’t quite believe it has been one year since I told Louise. It is crazy. I have come a long way. Being yourself is the best feeling in the world. I don’t say it enough. Thank you everyone!! :D
Psycho Priya from Box
- Priya: OMG! You are soooo pretty. Are you single??
- Me: Yeah I am...But the problem is I am gay. Sorry.
- Priya: *digs nails into my leg* You are soooooooo funny! *kisses me*
- Me: *pulls away* NO!! You don't understand I AM GAY!!!!
- Priya: *giggles* I love a man who can make me laugh *digs nails into my chest*
- Me: NOOO! I LIKE COCK!!!!!!
- Priya: So do I. That's another thing we have in common *bites my lip*
- Me: WTF!?!?! You made me bleed!! Get away from me!!!
- Priya: Wait until I have my mouth around your cock! *digs nails into my back and chest*
- Me: *pushes her* Ummmm no thanks love! I dont want my dick bitten off!!
- Officially the scariest girl I have ever met!! If I wasn't put off girls before, I certainly am now!!!
I had an absolutely phenomenal time at the Backstreet Boys concert last night!! My voice is hoarse from all the screaming. The company was the best part. All these guys are crazy and I love them to bits. Especially Sophie. She is the nicest girl I have ever met. I love bonding with fellow medics :) We all got totally wasted and then went onto Box afterwards which is where it gets a bit blurry. People were hi-fiving me today and saying I was a legend so I must have made a good impression. Officailly the best night of university so far!! :)
Backstreet Boys?
- Padraic: Stop being so mopey Fergus! Guess what?
- Me: *glares* What?
- Padraic: You are going to see the Backstreet Boys this Thursday!!!!
- Me: I am....?
- Padraic: *slaps me on the back* YEAHHHHHHH!!!! I have got tickets and a group of 6 of us are going. Seriously man cheer up! BACKSTREET BOYS!!!!!
- Yay? Well that was unexpected. It will take my mind off things : -)
Homophobia
Yesterday was a strange day. It all seems a bit blurred.
I awoke to having messages on my phone from Stephanie (one of my flat mates) saying “The board has been destroyed”. Destroyed was right. I walked into the kitchen to see those monstrosities all over our new ASH07 noticeboard. I have never been so shocked. It came from nowhere! Everyone in my block seemed so genuine and lovely. How could anyone be so hurtful!? It read “I am NOT gay! I don’t like other boys cocks, so don’t put gay ass designs on the board, you cock loving cunt.” I found it rather ironic that they were labelling me cock loving when they found the time to draw cocks all over the board!
I went to my room and sat on my bed. I have never felt so isolated. So alone. Everyone up until now has been so accepting. They have been able to look past the fact “I like cock” and seen the person I am. It hit home more than ever I am no longer at school. I am not in the safe group I once was. Is this the real world? Am I to be discriminated against like this for the rest of my life? I was, and still am disgusted at the person’s behaviour. No one should EVER have to go through something like this!
We told our community worker and she reported it. The person in question has apologised via a note posted on the notice board and is apparently moving blocks. Everyone else from my block has been amazing. I talked to Stephanie and she has been really supportive. They havn’t judged me. I did expect some disapprovement, but NOTHING like this!!
Being alone in my room made me really think. Who gives a shit what a group of ignorant twats thinks! What really matters is that the people I care about accept me. I am in a relationship with the most wonderful person I have ever met. I have never been happier. Christopher makes me feel complete and I love him.
I am not going to let these pathetic excuses for human beings get to me! I feel sorry for them.
AFTER:
Me this morning in utter shock. It has been destroyed. It has been reported to reception. I officially hate rugby guys!!!!!!!! I am considering leaving Elms.
BEFORE:
Me on Sunday night beside our brand spanking new wall!! It took absolutely ages to make….
Paranoia
Chris left for Pembroke College, Cambridge this morning to start his university experience. He deserves it. I am excited for him but also absolutely petrified he is going to find someone else. Throughout most of the day I have been going over so many things in my head. The worse case scenario is that he meets a really hot, intelligent guy also doing law at Pembroke, they have loads in common, can discuss the Law column in the Times and then fall in love. It doesn’t matter how much reassurance I get, I still think it.
People keep telling me Cambridge & Oxford are like bubbles and it is easy for students there to get carried away in their colleges and forget about the outside world. We were always able to skype every night but now it has been turned on its head. We are going to have to schedule conversations into our busy timetables and make sure we don’t lost contact. The effort will be worth it but the not knowing what he is doing and who he is meeting is eating me up inside.
Chris went through similar emotions during my fresher’s week. We had little and no contact for almost 5 days and didn’t skype for 7 days, a record for the both of us. This is the problem with long distance relationships. You can grow apart very quickly. We just need to stay strong and we can do it. I don’t see myself being with anyone else so the commitment is not the issue. Not being able to touch him is. Urgh. I thought I was doing so well, and now I am close to tears. I think it will be easier when I get back to Elms. There I have a focus.
I am feeling all this and it hasn’t even been a day yet! I am in for a rough week.
